Oh Snappies!

JumpStart 3-D, it's family fun!

It is not a secret that my kids love technology.  Aivlene asked me for a Nintendo DS the other day, but I had to shoot her down because she's three.  I am a mean mom, I know.  I am a big lover of technology and love things shiny and that contain the internets.  I guess that's why my kids love the stuff too.

A few months ago, Jumpstart contacted me and asked me if I would like to review their site, were even nice enough to give me a membership so my kids could play their hearts out.  I guess they knew my kids are nerds.  I said, "Color me there!" because I also may play with my kids computer games at night when they are in bed.

I first gave Aivlene a run on the site, since she's three and home with me all day long.  She doesn't really log too much computer time so she was more than happy to try out the site.  It was pretty neat to be like her brothers.  We set my laptop on the kitchen table and we set about navigating the site.  We had a hard time at first, because I am lazy and I don't use a mouse, but once I showed her how to navigate she was on her way.  She frequently asked me to play her games, so then Joey (he's five) caught wind of the idea and was ready to hit the computer and that lead to Jaden (Mr. I am 8 and I don't need mom any more!) to hog my computer.  Jumpstart was a hit.

I really found Jumpstart to be such a fun site because all three of my kids could access it and play.  I am really working with Aivlene and her colors and letters, so Storyland (for children ages 3-5) is perfect for her. It was so easy for her to navigate and get from area to area without reading, which can be difficult for a child who has not yet learned that skill. Joey is just finishing Kindergarten and he really had a fun time in Adventureland (for kids in Kindergarten to 2nd grade).  He really thrives on positive feedback and being able to perfect his math skills.  I love to see him grin and point at the computer.  It's cute!  Jaden's a bit of genius like his father, so he's advanced past Adventureland level, but he did enjoy it and it's good to practice.  Jaden sat and played for a long time.  He took his job as a reviewer very seriously.  We were also excited to see a Wii game is being made too, because I cannot tell you how much I appreciate a game that all three kids my can play together.  Thank you Jumpstart!

Jumpstart is such an important web site for familes with children.  It's safe, colorful and educational.  I am very happy with the non-violent content and the educational focus.  It is 100% child-friendly, which I really, really appreciate. 

Would you like to try the JumpStart 3-D World?  Leave me a comment about which website your child visits the most.  I will hold a drawing on June 17 and we will have a winner!  You will win a 3-month membership, which you will love!

No more teachers, no more books

Oh my.  Oh my hell.  Oh.  There are six days left until summer vacation.  You may need to send me a care package at the funny farm.  The funny farm has a spot open for me on June 4th.  You do the math.

I have made a list of Pro's and Con's of this summer vacation.  It's awesome.

PRO'S:

• I don't have to wake the kids up for school.
• I don't have to worry about nutritional lunches.
• I don't have to sign Jaden's homework folder every night. I am a lazy bastard. 
• I don't have to get the kids off the bus.
• I will get to see the kids all day, instead of five minutes after they get off the bus and I go to work.
• If the kids drive me totally crazy during the day, I'll just go to work.  I'll be happy there.  My boss with think I am nuts.  I may even smile at a patient.

CON'S

• Joey will inevitably eat us out of house and home.  It's a given fact.  The kid eats breakfast at home and then goes to school and eats AGAIN.
• Aivlene will still get up before the boys and it will be early.  No sleeping in!
• I will have to make sure that with all the running in and out of my house my dog doesn't run away.
• My dog will run away, it's a given.
• My liver will suffer some damage, from all the boxed wine I will consume.

So there you have it, another summer vacation is upon us.  My new, daily quote is, "Jon, I am going to need Xanax by June 4th!" and don't think I am kidding.  My cute, little daughter is in the throws of the "Traumatizing Threes" because the universe hates me.  Two year olds?  Phew, fudgitaboutit.  Three is the new horrible at our house and I want to die.  She's bossy, she's mean and demanding.  The three of them are going to kill me.

I have plans!  We have a zoo membership, so that always kills a day.  We just bought a waterslide, which has murdered my lawn but has provided amusement for all.  We have a season pass to the local amusement park, which by the end of the summer I want to kill. I am so excited to hit up the library with Jaden the Bookworm and I have tons of crafts planned. We have awesome parks to ride bikes at and burn off energy. I just hope the boys can weather Hurricane Aivlene.  She's a tough one right now!

Here's to plans and my boxes of wine!  

Stife

Oh my hell.  There is some major, major drama at my kids school and I am getting kind of ticked.  Here's the deal.  The PTO at the school is a joke.  It's run by a clique of older mom's who fancy themselves hip, upper-class and think that the PTO runs the school.  The PTO is pissed off at the school, the Principal and maybe the world because they are all now old and crusty. 

"Hey, I am so mad at the principal because she's not kissing my ass anymore.  What can I do to show her that I am really mad and I might just start a fight at a PTO meeting to show my stife. "

They actually did have a fight at the April PTO meeting.  I so wish I would have been there to see that fight, because the bitch that started the fight actually gave me attitude in December, after I spent over a hundred dollars for my son's Christmas party.  I would have stepped in and pulled her hair.

Okay.  I wouldn't have done that because I don't suffer from upper-class strife.  I just have middle-class strife.  If you are going to suffer from stife, go with middle-class strife because you can drink wine out of a box and cure your strife.

The PTO is so mad at the principal that they started a blog about their upper-class strife.  I can almost imagine that conversation.

"OMG you guys!  Listen.  Let's start a blog.  You know, like that Perez Hilton or that one I read that's all about Jon and Kate Plus 8.  We will be scandalous.  SCANDALOUS.

Except they aren't all that scandalous and they actually approve comments before they are posted, which means if you leave a comment that actually applauds the principal for standing up to the bitch club and not kissing their asses all day long, it will not get posted. 

It does provide for good reading though, it's like a soap opera on my laptop.  It's awesome and no I will not post the link.  I have made enough enemies in the past two weeks.  Seriously.  I am just worried that all this crap will affect my kids education.  However, there is only 16 days of school left (oh hell, where is the Xanax?) and I am hoping the summer will cure all this shit because if not, I may have to home school my kids and there is not enough Xanax in the world for that.  I am also very bad at math and my kids would end up not being able to comprehend fractions and would quote US Weekly. 

Hypochondriac

I had a dream last night that I couldn't breathe.  I was gasping for air and was very tired.  I woke up when Aivlene bopped me on my head demanding Ginger Ale.

Side note, if you are my Facebook friend, (don't judge me), then you will know that Aivlene had a stomach flu yesterday and barfed all over my new car.  That was awesome.  It was such an awesome day and it got even better when she had to a little episode with gas escaping out her rear but gas wasn't the only thing that may have escaped.  AWESOME.

Anyhoo, I arose to get her royal highness her Ginger Ale when I was analyzing my dream and realized that I really couldn't breathe.  Hmmm.  Odd.  Maybe Jon had come into the room and put a pillow over my head and end my misery.  I guess that could happen, but who would take care of his kids?  Aivlene could have tried the same thing, but I am her hero, so we can rule that out. 

Normally, I would be alright with not being able to breathe.  I am guessing it's my asthma acting up, but I haven't had any real issues with my asthma in a long time.  I thought I outgrew it.  I don't even have an inhaler, just a nebulizer that really is Joey's.  I am wheezing along today and I am waiting on actually medicating myself.  I am a moron...I know.

I wouldn't even be kind of freaked out by the whole sounding like a bulldog when I breathe, but uh, you know, the whole swine flu thing.  It kind of has me on high alert.  My joints are also sore today as well.  I also had Aivlene barf all over me yesterday.  I think I am a prime candidate for swine flu.  Oink, Oink.

I was trying to take my mind off of dying from the swine flu so I ran a few errands.  I happened to drive by a farm because we are surrounded by farms around here.  I noticed that all the animals were out, including baby cows, baby sheep and baby goats.  I stopped the car, got Aivlene out and we marveled at the farm animals.  They were awesome.  The baby goats were looking at us, like we belonged on Nancy Grace and we were child goat predators.  The mom goat came over and nudged the baby goats away.  It was just that cool.  A huge cow came ambling up to us and really liked Aivlene and I.  I may have freaked out because the cow was large and was really looking at me like, "Hey, uh is that your car over there?  Can I go with?" and I was left wondering if cows could smell fear like dogs do.  I just wish I would have had my camera, because it was just so beautiful.  I am going to have to take the kids back

I also treated Aivlene and I to subs from Subway because I had cleaned my work coat out and found money in it.  SCORE!  I have a small addiction to Foot-long Veggie Delights and was feeling rather friendly to animals after our farm encounter.  I was giddy with anticipation and was temporarily distracted from the swine flu when all of the sudden, in the middle of making my Veggie Delight, the girl making it sneezed.  I then accessed the situation and realized that the girl was a red-hot mess.  She looked all sweaty and sniffy.  She kept saying things like, "I feel awful", "I need to take my break" and "I want to die".  Um.  Awesome.  I think she gave my Veggie Delight the swine flu.  I almost freaked out and ran for the car, but it was crowded and I thought I would look like a weenie. 

So, if I get the swine flu and die, it's because I went to the Wal-Mart and Subway.  If you are going to get the swine flu the most likely place is Wal-Mart because it is a cess-pool of germs anyway.  I am sure of it.

On high alert

Oh, there is nothing like the swine flu to make you want to wrap your children up in a bubble and love them.  I have gotten over being the worst mother in the world and now have moved on to looking on Ebay for a bubble for all three of the kids to live in until the swine flu leaves.  Nothing like a little swine flu to make my OCD flare up.

I may have tried to order Tamiflu from work on Sunday and I also may have tried to drop a couple of Z-packs in my purse.  I'll never admit to it.  Oh, alright.  I didn't try to steal antibiotics, they won't help the swine flu.  I did though, helpfully suggest that we order Tamiflu, just in case.  We then got a corporate e-mail with the subject, "Swine Flu Procedures" and then I pooped my pants.  We then got another e-mail telling us our supplier was temporarily out of Tami-flu and I pooped my pants again.  Lastly, right after all the e-mails we got a fax for a script for Tami-flu to which I cried and declared that I would not wait on that person.  Seriously people, the Swine Flu is not a good idea to me.

Jon keeps rolling his eyes at me and my fear of the damn pig flu.  He's just not taking this seriously enough.  He forgets we have a child who had a confirmed case of the flu and almost died.  I am not taking this lightly.  My hands are slightly chapped from washing them so much.  I also keep doing the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, Swine Flu Version.  Kevin Bacon=Bacon=Swine...get it?  Anyway, it goes like this.  My neighbor, who I work with AND see every minute of the day went to New Jersey for Easter.  I love New Jersey as much as anyone, but there has been the pig flu in New Jersey.  She also has a brother, who she saw at Easter who works in New York City.  AWESOME.  Have I mentioned her kid has had some kind of hacking cough all week?  Yeah.  I can also play this game with people I work with and my own husband.  I have come up with all sorts of Degrees of Baconess with everyone I see. 

Oh and did you know, we are not supposed to call it the Swine Flu any more?  Nope.  I am going to call it, the Just Another Reason Why I Should be Prescribed Xanax Flu.

Broken

I had a horrible day that started at 6:30 a.m. and now, at 10 p.m., it hasn't really improved.  I hate days like this. 

Wait.  No.  I danced with the kids.  I mean, I really danced with the kids.  I was whipping out moves that even I have never seen before.  Dancing will cure anything.  I may have to bust out my dancing moves again, because I am feeling craptacular again.

I know that being a parent is tough, I know.  I just am worn out and maybe a little broken.  I have a lot on my plate.  I have three kids, I work and I am a wife.  I have a touch of OCD which makes me think that everything has to be perfect at all times, including my house and my children. 

I know that kids are not perfect all the time but I just feel like I am failing.  I am getting a F- in parenting Joey.  I don't know what to do and I feel like waving a white flag and just crawling in a hole.  I am taking for granted a child, a child who doctors told me may not live through the night once.  I hate myself for this.  He is such a great, little person with a few quirks.  We all have quirks but his are just more pronounced.

It's so hard being a parent.  I am torn in so many different directions all day long.  I think I am a little bit broken right now and I don't know what to do.

My horrible, no good, very bad day is about to come to an end.  I have had a major break-down, missed a friend's birthday and sent a nasty e-mail to a woman who had no business e-mailing me.  I think me going off the deep-end is going to make me a mean, spiteful bitch who has no friends. I also am going to gain 7654 pounds because I am an emotional eater and today I seriously ate swedish fish and Rice Krispie treats and that is it.  So. Not. Good.  Just please, don't e-mail with about ridiculous shit and expect me not to e-mail you back with something along the lines as, "Please do not e-mail me.  I hate you and I will throw something at you if I see you walking down the street."

Okay, so I didn't threaten the bitch, but we are not exactly going to go to a tea party together...EVER.  I am also a bit cranky because she replied to my e-mail with snark and a dash of uppitness in it and I feel compelled to reply back, but I don't want to because I am very cranky now and it will not be pretty.  Maybe I will just e-mail her back with, "I ate Swedish Fish for lunch today.  Can you please shut the eff up?  KTHXBAI!"  That will show her.

I really need to get out more, or I will have no one to drink boxed wine with.

Be thankful for what you have been given

Joey has had strep throat twice now in three weeks, the latest happening last week.  Yay!  You know Jaden started with the sore throat Saturday night and I am now counting the minutes until I can call the pediatrician.  On a Monday.  After a holiday.

They are going to love me. 

I will not complain any more though, I will take it after reading this and this.  There are no words to describe a loss of a child.  You just can't.

I am a very lucky person, very lucky.  I have had a seriously ill child and he is still here.  I have had a doctor look at me and tell me that, "I may not be bringing this child back home".  I have held my husband's hand and cried and wondered what was happening to me.  It is the single most horrible feeling to ever have.  I would never wish it on anyone. 

My seriously ill baby turned out to be one of the biggest babies in the world. He made up for lost time as soon as he came home from the PICU.  He went from looking like this to a beefy man-eater in a matter of weeks.  I am very, very lucky.

I am going to embrace Joey a little bit more than I normally do.  We have been having some "issues" as of late, with some sleep terrors and general behavior.  I have not been taking this well, since I am an OCD freak and I think that everything in my life should be perfect at all times.  Reading stories such as the Spohr's and Gorillabuns makes me realize that I should just be thankful that Joey is even here and that I should be happy that he's even alive to be yelling at me or writing on furniture and lying about it.

I am still going to discipline him for being naughty but I am going to embrace the little boy that is Joey because if wouldn't have insisted on taking to the ER on a cold February night and getting on a helicopter with him, he would not be here and I would not be me.

I am thankful for Joey.  He has reminded me why I am a mother.

Still tired, don't know what to call this

I love how I will ignore this blog for weeks at a time, then bam!  Post two times in a row and forget about it for weeks again.  What can I say?  I am a slacker, a mom and I have a job.  Ugh.

Joey had strep throat last week.  It's normal for March.  They boys get strep every March or April, we are all dramatic up in here with fevers and general dyingness and then they are fine.  Then they get it again two weeks later and then I call Jon at work and tell him I am going to kill myself if I am home with the germ monsters any more.  Then they get better and I forget about this shit until next March.

Joey is almost finished with his antibiotic.  He has two more days and he's done.  I suspect he will be sick by Friday because I am such a sunny, optimistic person.  I am waiting on pins and needles for Jaden and Aivlene to get the SICK.  I am also waiting for it too, because on everything I else, I am sure I am going to get it and have to go to work sick and be a big, mean bitch at work.  I feel like I am brewing a sore throat right now, but it could also be that the weather is changing.  I had a asthma attack Saturday night and it was during Jaden's first sleepover, so at midnight, I snuck downstairs and gave myself a nebulizer because my insurance sucks ass and wouldn't pay for an inhaler and since I only have a handfull of attacks, I just use a neubilzer.  I am weenie.

Jaden had his first sleepover party this weekend.  I would elaborate, but there is really nothing to say.  They played, we took them to see Monsters vs. Aliens and then they stayed up until 11:30 and I claimed I wanted to die on Sunday because I was so tired. 

We were all tired so we went to bed early on Sunday, but I couldn't sleep because Jon and Joey were in bed next to me snoring.  SNORING SO LOUD.  I watched, "I didn't know I was Pregnant", because really?  I knew I was pregnant all three times.

Guess who had a dream she was pregnant last night?

I then woke up and told Jon all about my dream and I think he pooped his pants because I think he thought I was trying to tell him something. Poor guy.  Poor Jaden. My dream included us telling the boys I was pregnant and Jaden went all emo because he was going to have to share a room with Joey.  I also freaked out because we have given away all our baby crap. 

I'm not pregnant, let me reassure you of this.  It was fun to scare the poop out of Jon though, I am such a good wife.

Dear Economy...suck it

There is a house in our plan that is for sale, which normally wouldn't be a big deal but our houses in this plan are at most, three years old.  It was also a foreclosure, which means someone bought it cheap and now is selling it for cheap which bothers me because it affects me and how much money I could get for this house.  I have witnessed about three houses in this neighborhood go on the market and not sell.  It kind of scares me.

It doesn't really bother my husband, as he has the mind-set that we are never moving again, amen.  I did not like moving and it really messed with my OCD, but if I had to move again I would.  I mean, if I happened to stumble upon a house that was for sale an hour away where we used to live and it was the right price, had four bedrooms, a nice flat yard and maybe a pool and perhaps had rainbows and butterflies surrounding it, I would have to approach my husband about the spectacular rainbow house.  His head would explode and that would be the end.  I am nothing but annoying to my husband.  I would use the selling point of being closer to family and friends and they have a Moe's. His head would have exploded but I would be closer to a Moe's.  Such a difficult choice, a husband with a head or Moes.  Do I have to choose?

I am just kind of pissy because well, I like options.  I wouldn't be against moving just because of a rainbow house.  I also am aware that Jon could get shit-canned and we would have to move.  What if he got a job somewhere warm or maybe say, oh I don't know, somewhere awesome, like Philadelphia.  We would have to sell our house, because as much as I have many delusions that we are really, really wealthy and I know Jon has a pot of gold hidden in our attic, I know that we can't keep our house if he looses his job and we have to move.  I would be stuck here trying to sell our house and keeping it clean for showings while Jon was somewhere either warm or awesome working and not having three kids.  I would bet it would take 13 months for our house to sell and we would not make any money on this house.  I would be bitter.  Very bitter.

I am happy though at the moment, that I can make our house a home, even if I drive my husband insane with home improvement ideas.  He's very happy with our house and doesn't like to spend money or think about paint colors or tile in the basement.  He likes to think about hockey scores and if we can have a "date night". 

Don't even tell me you dont' think that way baby daddy, because you do.

I would just like not to have to think about houses, the economy or jobs for awhile.  I may just take a break from my man Sean Hannity and Fox News.  I know it is a good thing to be an educated and responsible American, but I am an American that is brewing an ulcer.

Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo!

I know how I am the most terrible blogger in the world.  Go ahead tell me.  I have horrible grammar, forget about spell check and my punctuation is atrocious.  I know.  I also forget to post, even when I have such wonderful snarky things to say.  What can I say?  I have three kids, a job, a husband, a very bossy three year old, and an obsession with Jon and Kate Plus 8.  I am a very busy person, with all that stuff and looking up on the internets if Jon and Kate Plus 8 are still married and if she really did have an affair with her trainer.  I then get mad at the internets because I want a trainer!  I want nice flat abs and perky boobs!  I want a smoking, hot trainer and have my neighbors gossip that I am cheating on my husband (also named Jon!) with the trainer.

Yes.  Because I have so much time to hang out with said trainer.  Oh yes.  The time.  I barely have time to have the Wii Fit mock me, let alone a real live trainer.  I had to dump my male Wii Fit Trainer because he was on my nerves.  He also never moved his lips, just his arms which kind of freaked me out.  I also hated his ponytail. 

Right, so I have also been trying to nail down our vacation.  We were going to do a beach house in New Jersey, to the point of having the check in the mail.  We then got an awesome deal on a thing in Williamsburg, VA that we couldn't pass up.  My kids love Washington, D.C. so then we had to go there too.  Me?  I wanted to go to Disney, to do the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique but Jaden and Joey said something about cutting out thier eyeballs than doing that.  It's the Burg Baby's fault, she made me WANT to go to Disney more than anything.  I would read her Disney adventures and think, "OMG I have to do that!" 

Then Jaden and Joey's head exploded and the end.  Also?  Flying with three kids?  No, no thank you.  Driving to Florida in my new car that does not smell of ass?  Awww Hell NO!.  Disney out.  Busch Gardens in.  Unless TLC wisens up and offers me a show and sends me there. 

In honor of my lust of the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique and all things Disney Princess, I offer you my own version of the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique that was portrayed in Aivlene's bedroom today.  Because I am awesome like that.